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Understanding the love language of your child!

Understanding the love language of your child!

Children express and receive love in different ways — some through acts of service; others through affirming words; still others through gifts, quality time or physical touch. Each of these expressions of love represents a different ‘language.’ Gary champan introduced this concept in his book The Five Love Languages and later in The Five Love Languages of Children. Children recieve love emotionally, since each and every children is different we as parent’s must recognizes their needs.

Be a child of a tender age or an adult all have some needs which they want that their parent’s must grant attention towards them. As a child an individual goes through a lot of emotional trauma as well as physical changes so it must not be appropriated to just scold them and make them work as per the parent’s wishes. In today’s world it becomes very important to pay attention towards child, make them understand the values and education not by scolding but by loving them, by talking to them in the language of love otherwise they’ll resort themsleves towards  many harsh activities. These languages differ from child to child through various aspects like through age through gender etc. For eg- Assuming a boy who founds to be more rigid, so making him understand to not to go to party is quite diificult but girls whereas are found to be quite mature, intellectual and thus they can understand things easily.

Parents go to parenting conferences and read books. They are inundated with great ideas that they want to use with their children. They fails to remember, however, that each child is different. What works with one may not work with another. And what communicates love to one child may not be received the same way by another child. By understanding the five love languages, one can more easily discern the emotional needs of our children. Here is a brief description of each love language:


Compliments such as Your hair really looks nice today! or “Great game tonight!” go a long way with the child who thrives on praise. Your words can focus on personality, accomplishments, outward appearance or anything else that affirms. Giving a monetary reward to a child who seeks affirmation will leave him feeling empty. As it says that every child’s love language differs from each other, however many of the child wants that they must get some monetary rewards for their work as appraisal while others just feels contented when they are being appreciated through some words of affirmation.


In the early stages of life, we do things for our children that they can’t do for themselves. As they get older, our love is expressed by teaching them how to do things for themselves. For a child with this love language, we need to know which acts of service are important to him. Does he feel loved when you help him with homework? Or teach him to throw a ball? Once you’ve discovered the acts of service your child most appreciates, perform them often. And just helps the child in doing such sort of services that will not only boost up the morale of children but also helps them in specialising in that act of service.


Children with this love language treasure gifts as a tangible token of affection. Unfortunately, they also interpret a lack of gifts as a lack of love. Your gifts don’t need to be expensive, and they don’t need to be given every day, but recognizing that a child prefers to be rewarded with a pack of gum rather than a hug is an important step in building communication. Also try to give your child some gifts that turns out to be beneficial for them such as one can gift their child a couple of pencils for doing their school and home work respectively or crayons to colour pictures etc.


Quality time is very important to spend with your childrens. Child may always want that his/her parents are always near to them, play games with them, or dining together with them. It helps to build  communication qualities between a child and a parent. Children who speak this love language seek undivided attention. When they’re infants, we play on the floor with them and roll balls back and forth. As they get older, that quality time is found in conversations, bedtime stories or backyard sports. The activity is not important; the time together is. For a child with siblings, it may be difficult to get one-on-one time with Mom or Dad. He needs to know that he is worthy of your undivided attention.


We’ve long known the emotional power of physical touch. Infants who are held fare better than those who are not. As children get older, they still long for physical affection something as simple as a touch on the arm, a pat on the back, a hug. These gestures are especially important to the child with this love language. He wants to literally feel your love.

It is important for one as parent’s that as they focus on their child’s primary love language, they should remember to use the other four as well. Though children receive love best from one language, there’s no doubt they benefit from all expressions of unconditional love.


About saxenakhushi224Author

Student pursuing graduation from University of Delhi.

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