As adults, we know that loving others. By the time a child is around 9 years old, he /she is more able to identify and express his/her feelings about love than when younger. Parents have to keep in mind that children’s have a limited attention for and limited interest and are easily distracted.
Love language put in simple terms is how you show love to another individual and how you best understand expressions of love from others.
Love can bee shown and expressed by various ways to your children depending upon how they like to receive it. You can use following ways to communicate love:
Physical Touch is the most common way of speaking this love language. It is one of love’s strongest voices. It shows you love them. Children who understand this language, physical touch will communicate love more deeply than words, presents, or spending time with them.
Examples: hugs, pats on the back, wrestling, high five, kisses, reading a story on lap etc.
Mistakes: Slap or spanking is hurtful for any child but it is more devastating to one whose primary love language is touch.
Words are powerful. Words of affection, endearment, praise and encouragement or words that give positive guidance. Such words are warm and they nurture the child’s inner sense of worth and security. Such words are quickly said but not soon forgotten.
Mistakes– Cutting words can hurt a child’s self-esteem and cast doubts about their abilities. Tone of voice, gentleness of mood etc. all play an important role.
It means giving a child your undivided attention. Quality time is a parent’s gift of presence to a child. If quality time is your child’s primary love language, you can be sure of this: Without a sufficient supply of quality time and focused attention, your child will experience a gnawing uneasiness that his parents do not really love him/ her. It conveys the message that they are important or you like being with them. It makes the child feel that he/she is the most important person in the world to the parent.
It includes time with EACH child sharing thoughts, feelings, positive eye contact and quality conversations. When reading stories, talk about how the child feels, kids today don’t know how to express their feelings, especially anger.
Mistakes– Don’t use technology while talking or interacting with them or engage in other activities which show you might be busy.
Gifts are meaningful symbols of love. Most children respond positively to gifts but for some it may be their primary love language. They see the gift as an extension of you and your love. it can be anything from a sticker to a chart paper of their favorite color. By receiving these they feel valued.
Mistakes– You have to be careful about overdoing gifts and need to give kids gifts that are appropriate for their age and that will be helpful to them, rather than just what they want.
If service is your child’s primary love language, your acts of service will communicate most deeply them. When your child asks you to fix a bicycle or mend a doll’s dress, he or she does not merely want to get a task done; your child is crying for emotional love. You can show love by helping the child with everything like cooking them meals, providing clothing, or working on a project together.
Mistakes– You do not have to jump at every request. You should be extremely sensitive to those requests and recognize that your response will either help fill the child’s love tank or else puncture the tank. Each request calls for a thoughtful, loving response.
Give attention to what your child’s reactions and behaviors say about the type of love he/she needs in any given moment and there’s no doubt that you’ll continue to connect—and reconnect.